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Keep Passion Alive: 7 Tips

by Barbara Calvi, LMFT

Marriage and Relationships -- Do You Know the 7 Secrets to Keeping Passion Alive in Your Marriage?

We know that often, most of the time, passion and sparks tend to diminish in long-term relationships. Familiarity, tedious daily tasks and daily living, and oh, yes, caring for young children 24/7 all seem to conspire against passion and sometimes even interest in intimacy. Yet, research shows that one of the biggest determinants to well adjusted children is the health of the parental relationship. And...a healthy mutually satisfying sexual relationship plays a big part in the emotional and relational health of the couple.

The good news is passion and sparks can be reignited in long-term relationships! Read on and discover 7 tips for reigniting those sparks and keeping the passion alive in your marriage.

Tip #1 -- Create intimacy and bonding. You do this outside of the bedroom and reap the benefits inside the bedroom. Start by really listening to your partner. When your partner talks, give them your full attention, look them in the eye and use active listening skills. In other words, avoid interrupting or trying to fix it and instead, reflect back to your partner the essence of the underlying emotion of what they are saying.

Tip #2 -- Develop a mutual love language. We can't talk about sex without words. And sex is better and more intimate when we do talk about it with our partners. However, some words may be acceptable or even arousing to you but may be bothersome to your partner or the other way around. Find a private time to talk about your love language. You can do this over a glass of wine after the kids go to bed, while sharing a warm bath or while sharing a bowl of ice cream. You can make it serious or silly but take some time to discuss words and phrases for body parts and specific acts that appeal to both of you. Keep in mind that some words or phrases may be bothersome in casual conversation but may be sexy and arousing when you are feeling frisky.

Tip #3 -- Use requests instead of criticism. Instead of saying to your partner, "You don't ever...." in an attempt to get them to do something specific when having sex, figure out what it is you really want instead and then ask for it in a very inviting way. "Tonight I would love it if you would..." Instead of saying "no" to something your partner is doing, provide an alternative to get them on the right track.

Tip #4 -- Share your ideal love making experience. Create a sexy environment, light candles, play sexy music, eat sensual finger foods, sit outside under the stars -- and share each other what would make for you an ideal love making experience. Be sure to include some reminisces of previous lovemaking sessions between the two of you.

Tip #5 -- Vary your sexual routine. For most couples, after a while sex is pretty routine in terms of what people do, how long they do it, how they do it and where they do it. Most people eventually fall into the 15-30 minutes long just before bed or first thing in the morning category. Remember to add in the quickie once in a while (good to peak spontaneity and surprise) AND the more luxurious and romantic longer version once in a while.

Tip #6 -- Share your erotic maps. Maybe you've changed what you like or what you are interested in doing since the beginning of your relationship. Let your lover know what you like now. Remember, talking about sex can be very arousing. Don't miss an opportunity to talk about it.

Tip #7-- Be very specific about what turns you on and what techniques you want your partner to do. We usually don't get what we want unless we ask.

I invite you to use these 7 tips to bring some spark back into your marriage and your sex life.

I would also like to offer you my Free Report: "21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with tips, advice and insights on creating stronger, healthier, and more passionate marriages. You can have access to both at www.Beatthemarriageoddscounseling.com.

Categories: Just for me, Relationships & Marriage,

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