MomTalk.com January 18, 2021:   The women's magazine for moms about children, family, health, home, fashion, careers, marriage & more

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Seven Secrets to Affair-Proofing Your Marriage


By Barbara Calvi, LMFT

Do you know the pitfalls that make your marriage vulnerable to an extramarital affair? There are certain dangers that do make a marriage more vulnerable to an affair occurring.

Research shows that most people who become involved in an affair did not intend to. In fact, most say they consider having an affair is against their values. Research also shows that over half of affairs occur in the workplace. Most of these affairs seem to blossom because good people don't know the pitfalls and danger signs. They become too chummy with a coworker and intimacy grows slowly. They find themselves ensnared in a whirlwind of emotion and attraction that could have been avoided.

The good news is most affairs can be avoided. Read on and find out what those dangers are and the secrets to affair proofing your marriage.

Danger #1 -- Getting too chummy with a coworker.
Tip #1 -- Keep conversations at the water cooler and else where casual and don't get personal. Once personal information is shared you are developing intimacy with someone other than your spouse. Most affairs do not start out with the married partner intending to have an affair; they end up as a result of a "slippery slope."

Danger #2 -- Talking about your spouse or your marital problems with a member of the other gender.
Tip #2-- Whether you are experiencing minor frustrations with your spouse or you believe your marriages in big trouble, talk with someone who could not possibly turn into a threat to your relationship down the line. Avoid any intimacies (sharing personal information) with a potential partner.

Danger #3 -- Your friend/coworker confides in you.
Tip #3 -- Extricate yourself form the role of confidant. You are now in an intimate relationship with someone other than your spouse. Also, "being the one who understands" is very seductive.

Danger #4 -- You put effort into looking nice for this person.
Tip #4-- Be very honest with yourself about what you are doing and how you are feeling about your spouse and your marriage. There may be absolutely nothing lacking in your relationship or marriage but having someone new can be very seductive and exciting.

Danger #5-- Working late starts to include going for dinner and a drink.
Tip #5 -- Keep work at work. Working late is how many affairs begin. When at work late try to have a third coworker involved in the project.

Danger #6 -- You've stopped talking about your friend or coworker to your spouse.
Tip #6 -- Keep your spouse in the loop about this friend like you would any other friend or business associate. If you find you have stopped mentioning someone you used to mention to your spouse it is again, time to be very honest with yourself. And, start talking about them again.

Danger #7 -- You keep your business calls from home "private."
Tip #7 -- Avoid dong this at all costs. Keep these calls strictly business. If you need some quiet and go in your den make sure the door is open. If you are reluctant to do so ask yourself why.

I invite you to follow these tips to help guard against an extramarital affair.

Have access to my Free Report: "21 Ways to Renew Fun, Love and Passion" when you subscribe to my free monthly newsletter, "Love Your Love Relationship," a monthly newsletter with advice and tips on creating a strong, healthy and loving marriage. You can get access to both at www.Beatthemarriageodds.com.

For further assistance with your marriage or relationship you can go to www.Beatthemarraigeodds.typepad.com or www.Beatthemarriageodds.typepad/affairrecovery.com.

Photo courtesy Geo Okretic

Categories: Just for me, Newsletter, Relationships & Marriage,

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