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I'm (Not) in the Mood for Love


by Deb McLeod

The kids are screaming, the soup's boiled over and the Girl Scouts are arriving in 10 minutes. Your husband sends you a suggestive email which hints that he wants to get frisky tonight.

This creates a typical dilemma for you - you think it might be fun but you just can't get in the mood after all you've done throughout the day. You can't switch gears.

Studies have shown that moms generally don't lack interest in sex. What they often lack is the filter that lets them forget all the stresses of the day and switch gears into being a wife, a lover, a sex kitten.

Men typically have that filter, but moms, well, we carry a lot on our shoulders on a daily basis and it's harder for us to forget the stresses of the day and become that sexual tiger at night.

But it's not impossible, moms - how to get in the mood even when tired can be done in five easy steps. Following are our five best tips for how to get in the mood even when you think it can't be done.

1. Learn to compartmentalize.

Men do this naturally. They know to shut off the pressures of the day and switch gears to things they want to do, which in this case is get intimate. Not so much for moms. How to get in the mood when your mind is full of other obligations is a quite a quandary.

To be successful at switching gears and making love at the end of the day, even when tired, you must learn how to put things in compartments. Learn to put aside other things so you can focus on the here and now. Shut it out. You're doing this right now and you can focus on that other thing later.

2. Keep your bedroom clean and serene.

This is important. If you walk into your bedroom at the end of a long day and it's cluttered, the last thing you'll feel like doing is making love there (or spending time cleaning it so you can make love).

Although many moms forget to spend time making their own bedroom look nice when there are kids' bedrooms and living rooms to decorate, it's worth the effort. Think about creating a serene environment and then spend 5 minutes each morning making the bed and 5 minutes each night taking care of clutter. It will pay off in "in the mood" dividends. How to get in the mood can be as simple as doing a chore.

3. Create a division.

When the day is over (no matter if that's 8:00 or 10:00 or even later), create a division between you and the day. That is, do something that shuts out what has gone on and creates a new mood and new expectations for the night ahead. For many women this comes in the form of a warm bath, while others might prefer a nice glass of wine while watching reality TV.

Whatever will help you to forget the stresses of the day, relax and move onto other (slightly naughty) thoughts even when tired will help you get in the mood as well.

4. Fantasize.

Not, it's not unusual and there's nothing wrong with it. What gets your engines working, what gets you in the mood? Use some visualization to get yourself in the mood. You might be surprised to find you can turn it off once you really are in the mood. Then the actual mood can take over, but sometimes for moms to get their groove on, a little creative thought is necessary.

5. Have fun!

Finally, remember that this is not rocket science. It's supposed to be fun. We know that for moms, how to get in the mood can take many forms. Think about what works for you, remember that it should be fun, and forget being a mom for a minute.

For you, having fun might be adding some toys to the bedroom. For someone else, it might be having HBO adult programming on the TV. There are no rules, no right and wrong, only fun.

We know that it's not easy, but a relaxed mom is a good mom (and the corollary--if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy). Study after study show that sex can be a great relaxant, so do yourself a favor and have more of it.

Have some thoughts about marriage, sex and romance? Discuss it in our forums

Categories: Just for me, Most Popular, Newsletter, Relationships & Marriage,

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