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MomTalk.com November 19, 2017:   The women's magazine for moms about children, family, health, home, fashion, careers, marriage & more


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Help Your Children Handle Big Feelings

managebigfeelings.jpgIt's so hard when our children pout, get frustrated or have a temper tantrum. We wonder what's wrong and if they will ever learn how to control their emotions. They feel scared and out of control and want our help. Since children think and feel in a very different way than adults do, it's up to us to teach them how to deal with their feelings as they grow.

managebigfeelings.jpg
By Denise Konen, Parent Education Coach and Consultant

It's so hard when our children pout, get frustrated or have a temper tantrum. We wonder what's wrong and if they will ever learn how to control their emotions. They feel scared and out of control and want our help. Children feel strongly for many reasons. They are learning about new things they don't understand and can't express. Since children think and feel in a very different way than adults do, it's up to us to teach them how to deal with their feelings as they grow, so they can handle life's ups and downs
and the emotions that come with living full lives.

Researchers are finding that E.Q. - Emotional Intelligence, may be a more important factor in predicting success at school and in personal relationships than I.Q. As parents, we can help our children develop the skills needed to deal with big feelings, so they can get along with others and find joy in life.

* The first step is to help children become more self-aware by noticing and naming their feelings. If we acknowledge and accept children's feelings, it can even help their brain think and learn better. If they can name feelings, it's easier to deal with them.

* We can teach children to manage their moods by showing them ways to calm themselves when they are upset, express their anger in ways that won't hurt others, and find ways to cheer themselves up when they are feeling sad. They can learn to do a mad dance or paint a wild picture when they are angry, and listen to music, ask for a hug, or take a warm bath when they are anxious or sad.

*Children are easily frustrated because they are small and lack adult abilities. If a two year old has trouble pulling up his pants, help him handle his frustration by acknowledging his feelings about how tough it is and teaching him the 'trick' to do it all by himself. If he puts his hands inside the waistband on both sides and stretches out and up, he can do it. If we are optimistic and persistent with our encouragement, children will get the message that they are capable and will be motivated to handle life's
problems. Competence builds confidence and emotional stability.

*Children also need to learn skills for getting along with others, like learning how to join in play, saying hello and good-bye, and sharing toys. We can encourage children to be sensitive to other's feelings by asking them to offer help to someone who has been hurt or to put themselves in the other child's position.

Learning all this takes time and the patience to go at our child's pace. There are many ways to boost our children's emotional intelligence, much of it through every day interactions. We already offer the best way, every time we listen to, laugh with, and hold our children close.


Denise Konen, Licensed Parent Educator, has had the privilege of working with parents and their children for twenty-five years and offers individual
coaching, classes, and workshops to parents, faith communities, businesses, and organizations that work with families. She works to support and inform parents who are interested in expanding their positive discipline strategies and gaining a spirit of optimism as they face the joys and challenges of raising children in today's complex world. See www.parenting.netgains.net



Categories: Toddlers, Pre-Schoolers, School-Age, Tweens, Children, Newsletter,


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