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Grandpa Can Help Underachiever: Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids

By Sylvia Rimm

Q. Our grandson is a 13-year-old, unmotivated underachiever. His single mom works, and he's three years younger than his older sibling. He lacks confidence and direction in his academics. Although his personality is A-plus, his grades are like a yoyo -- A to F. He does have friends, but prefers TV and games to his schoolwork. We love him, but don't want to spoil him. -- "Grandpa"

A. Dear "Grandpa": With the new school year ahead, you could probably be a great help to your underachieving grandson.

By Sylvia Rimm

Q. Our grandson is a 13-year-old, unmotivated underachiever. His single mom works, and he's three years younger than his older sibling. He lacks confidence and direction in his academics. Although his personality is A-plus, his grades are like a yoyo -- A to F. He does have friends, but prefers TV and games to his schoolwork. We love him, but don't want to spoil him. -- "Grandpa"

A. Dear "Grandpa": With the new school year ahead, you could probably be a great help to your underachieving grandson. I expect his older sibling may be managing to get mom's attention, and for a single working mom, parenting can feel quite overwhelming. A 13-year-old guy might be glad to look to his grandfather for encouragement. Perhaps you and he could make some secret arrangements by your letting him know that you think it's really important for him to improve his grades and that you'd like to help. You might want to take some time to help him study for a test, or meet with him once a week to ask him how things are going in school. You could share some organizational tips with him, because underachievers are almost always disorganized. You might talk to him about careers or colleges for the future, so he starts to think about his goals.

Any of these discussions could get his attention and increase his interest in school. Teenage boys are usually more impressed by messages men give them and since he has no present father, you could help him to take on the challenge of school and work to his abilities.

If you can involve your grandson in some work projects with you, you'll help to teach him a work ethic and perseverance, both necessary for doing well in academics. Even a quiet fishing trip can provide the male bonding that helps him to hear your message about the importance of working hard in school.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com.
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