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Boy's problem May Be Physical: Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids

By Sylvia Rimm

Q. My question concerns my 5-year-old grandson. I talk with my daughter frequently, and she repeatedly tells me how he keeps her up at night. Recently, she said it was a good night because he only got her up three or four times! This has been going on since birth.

I also see other problems with this child. Early on, when my grandson was still an infant, my daughter told me that he had terrible temper tantrums. Then, when I saw them at a family wedding, my grandson was 18 months old, and he repeatedly hit me -- unprovoked. I told my daughter that I thought he needed to be seen by a professional.

By Sylvia Rimm

Q. My question concerns my 5-year-old grandson. I talk with my daughter frequently, and she repeatedly tells me how he keeps her up at night. Recently, she said it was a good night because he only got her up three or four times! This has been going on since birth.

I also see other problems with this child. Early on, when my grandson was still an infant, my daughter told me that he had terrible temper tantrums. Then, when I saw them at a family wedding, my grandson was 18 months old, and he repeatedly hit me -- unprovoked. I told my daughter that I thought he needed to be seen by a professional.

When they visit me, my grandson screams and whines and demands 100 percent of his mother's time. When she calls me on the telephone, he demands her attention.

I'm concerned for my daughter's health because of the strain and the lack of sleep. I recently told her again that I think he should be seen by a professional, but she says she isn't taking her 5-year-old to a psychiatrist! There's definitely a problem here, and I'd like to be able to help them, but how?

A. Your grandson does appear to have a problem, although it could be physical or psychological. It may be less threatening to your daughter to suggest she talk to her pediatrician first. Her pediatrician can, in turn, communicate to her about getting further help if necessary. If you know the pediatrician's name, you could forward a letter to him or her, recognizing that this doctor must keep confidentiality and can't communicate back to you. That could alert him or her to at least ask your daughter relevant questions. To keep issues open and honest, tell your daughter you've written the pediatrician after you've sent the letter, and be sure to let the pediatrician know you've informed your daughter that you've sent the letter.

The problem could possibly be an allergy -- wheat and milk are the most frequent allergies that cause behavioral problems, but there are others. The pediatrician could also suggest either physical or psychological problems. Regardless of the underlying cause, your daughter might value my parenting book "How to Parent So Children Will Learn" (1996).

GIFTED CHILD IS BORED

Q. I'm the mother of a 6-year-old boy who is in first grade and bored in class. I'm also a first-grade teacher. My son knows a majority of the material for first grade, and we're only going into our second 6-week period. I'd like to test his IQ. Is there an IQ test I could administer? His teacher is making accommodations because he's so far ahead of most of the children in the class. She provides extra materials above first-grade level for when he's finished with his independent work.

A. IQ tests are administered only by school or private psychologists, so you could ask your school psychologist to arrange for testing. You may also prefer to have an evaluation by a psychologist who specializes in gifted children to help you and your son's teacher arrange appropriate curriculum for him. He sounds like a very bright child, but he may benefit by more than additional independent work. Subject or grade skipping, cluster grouping with other gifted children, and differentiated curriculum are all possible alternatives for your son.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com.
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