From Single Mom to Brady Bunch: Introducing the Kids to Your New Love Interest
This is the first in our series of articles about dating and mating for single moms. You can also join the single moms discussion in our Read more
Steps for Second-dog Success
A second dog may be hard to resist for many pet parents, especially if having their first dog was a positive experience. However, many families underestimate the res... Read more
Exercising with Your Kids--The 21st Century Way
by Katriena Knights
It's hard to find time to spend with your kids under the best of circumstances. It's even harder to find time you can spend toget... Read more
If your kids love the book Harriet The Spy, they'll want to tune in to the new Disney Channel television movie, "Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars," starring Jennifer Stone ("Wizards of Waverly Place"), on Friday, March 26 (8:00 p.m., ET/PT). Based on the popular books by Louise Fitzhugh, the movie is a contemporary twist on the iconic character, as Harriet "The Spy" Welsch vies to become the official blogger of her high school class.
The film was written by mother-daughter team, Heather Conkie and Alexandra Clarke. Internationally acclaimed writer, Heather Conkie, gave her daughter, Alexandra Clarke, Harriet the Spy when she was a child and it represented a huge turning point in her life. She bought a notebook like Harriet and started writing everything down; from that point on she aspired to be a writer. Writing the film has been an incredible bonding experience for them and the adaptation has brought them full-circle.
In addition to the mother-daughter relationship that brought the film to fruition, there is an ongoing theme in the film about the often-difficult relationship between teenagers and their parents.
Speaking of difficult, Harriet's signature tomato sandwich is a source of contention in the film. Harriet eats a tomato sandwich at the exact same time every day (when she gets home from school). Their chef reluctantly prepares the same, ordinary sandwich for her every day but not without a fight. He attempts to create a gourmet, culinary masterpiece instead and she refuses to eat it. For those of you who face similar culinary struggles, here are both the kid-friendly (ala Harriet) recipe and the grown-up version:
Harriet the Spy's Tomato Sandwich: brown/multigrain bread, sliced tomato, and light mayonnaise
Chef's Signature Tomato Sandwich: toasted rye bread topped with a bruschetta mix including heirloom tomatoes, olive tapenade, and a drizzle of balsamic vinaigrette.
My wife and I have 3 boys- a 6 year old and 8 year old twins. We both work full time in the hotel industry and put in long hours and full days. When our twins were 2 and with another baby on the way, we realized that the daily hassles of daycare were just getting to be too much. In addition to the earlier mornings needed to dress and feed the boys before bringing them to the center, too much work was being missed due to one or the other twin being sick and not being able to go to daycare, or being called out of work early due to ear infections, upset tummies, or mild fevers. In addition, the time constraints imposed by centers and home daycare made it difficult to arrange daily work schedules. Putting a 3rd child into daycare was also going to be expensive. There had to be a better and more cost effective way. We needed a trustworthy caregiver that could offer the flexibility our busy family required without costing too much.
We were introduced to the Au Pair program through a co-worker. Although the au pair program has been around for more than 15 years, we were unaware that hosting an au pair is a childcare option available to any US citizen. The U.S. Department of State regulates all au pair programs in the United States, offering parents the peace of mind that their children are in trusted, qualified care. Au pairs live and study in the United States for one year on a J-1 cultural exchange visa, in exchange for providing 45 hours of childcare per week.
Au pairs are between the ages of 18 and 26 years old and speak proficient English. During their stay in the U.S., au pairs provide live-in childcare and help their host families more easily balance their busy lifestyle. A host family can set their au pair's working hours according to their hectic schedule, often having the au pair drive the children to and from school or to appointments, as well as supervise the older children during after-school hours and vacation breaks. And a great help to the family, au pairs also assist with light household responsibilities, such as preparing meals, doing the children's laundry, and helping the children keep their rooms and play areas neat.
The au pair agency we worked with provided us with biographies and other information on potential au pairs from around the world. After narrowing down our choices, we "matched" with Katrin from Germany. Katrin arrived in September 2003 and was with us for two years, using an option to extend her J-1 visa for a second year. During her time with us, she helped get the kids up in the morning, made them breakfast and lunch, took them to the zoo and parks, read to them, taught them German, changed a zillion diapers, put them down for naps, helped wipe runny noses and did their laundry. Katrin created a very caring environment for our children, while also helping my family better balance our daily lives and schedules. Katrin became an important part of our family and the boys came to love her very much. When Katrin left in 2005, another au pair, Isabelle joined our family for a year. Isabelle was also from Germany and she was like an older sister to the boys, playing with them at the park, having picnics in the family room, and helping them take care of their pet hamster. Both Katrin and Isabelle not only provided the flexible and affordable childcare we need, but they also taught my children that there is a larger world out there.
For a family with 3 young children, hosting an international au pair at the cost of $340 a week was the most affordable childcare option available to us. And, more importantly, hosting an au pair was also the most rewarding childcare option for our family.
By the way, Katrin has returned from Germany on a student visa and is now a nursing student at North Hennepin Community College.
Christopher Giaimo is a local childcare coordinator for Cultural Care Au Pair based in Minnesota. Being a host father, he knows firsthand how great the Au Pair program can be for families and would love to help connect host families with au pairs from around the world, allowing families to find flexible and affordable childcare.
Chris welcomes your questions about the au pair program and can be reached at chris.giaimo@lcc.culturalcare.com. For more information, please visit www.culturalcare.com or cgiaimo.aupairnews.com
Introducing your new partner to your children has taken time, effort, and sensitivity. So too does introducing the kids to each other. This introduction and 'getting to know you' stage can be vital in determining future relationships in your blended family. But the most important thing to remember is to relax and have fun. There is little more detrimental to any sort of relationship than stress, anxiety, and tension, but some forward planning can drastically reduce these and go a long way to smoothing the road ahead.
Reassure Your Children
Just as you have been doing throughout the dating process, it is important that you continue to nurture your children and your relationship with them, and reassure them that they will always be your priority. It is a mistake to burden your children with the expectation of perfect sibling relationships at this stage. However, if you present this as an opportunity to make new friends your children will be more likely to see it as a positive experience.
Age Differences
In many ways it can be easier if there is a considerable age difference between your kids and his. This reduces any prospective competition between them over things such as sports, dates, clothes, and toys. However, it is unrealistic to think that friction will not exist simply because yours are teens and his are toddlers. Babies and small children usually adjust to the change much more quickly than teenagers. If someone is attentive and kind to them they will quickly respond. With older children, however, they have built up a much longer history with their parent and can be resistant to change, and wary of being replaced by some other child in your affections. Especially if that someone makes people laugh with her appalling table manners and is treated with humor and tolerant affection when she rolls in the mud in her best clothes! So, regardless of age, each child needs to feel that they are just as special to their parent as they have been and that nothing is going to change that. So say it! And mean it!
Planning Activities
By now both sets of kids should have had ample opportunity and plenty of activities to get to know their prospective step-parent and should have built up an element of trust with them. It is now the adults' turn to decide on a family activity that, hopefully, everyone will enjoy. It is important to keep the potential for disagreements to a minimum so try to avoid activities that have an element of competition. There's nothing to be gained by pitting the kids against each other at this early stage. Believe me, as time goes by they will find plenty of ways to do this without your help! So a trip to a water park, zoo, or theme park might be more appropriate than something like bowling or paint-balling.
Having Fun
The main objective of this initial meeting should be for everyone to have fun. It takes time to get to know other people so don't expect the kids to hit it off straight away. The early stages of their relationships with each other can be crucial and if fun is the most memorable part of the day then they are more likely to look favorably on each other and have a desire to know more.
Don't Push It
Children should be given time to develop relationships with one another before you take your relationship and, let's face it, every other family member's, to the next level. A fun family activity once a week is enough to begin with. Then you can perhaps add a home movie night - your place one week, his place the next. Soon, as relationships develop and everyone begins to feel more at ease, you might have your partner take all the boys, yours and his, to participate in something they all enjoy, and you can do the same with the girls. Or one of you can take the older children and the other the little kids for a more age appropriate event. And, once everyone is feeling comfortable, or at least familiar with one another, you can plan a short vacation together. Traveling, planning activities, eating, working together, and waking up to someone else's make-up free face or bed-head hair can be a very illuminating and equalizing experience
Be Patient
In essence, you are laying the ground work for the rest of your life. You and your partner are at the stage of introducing the children because you have both decided to make a long-term commitment to your relationship. So, what is a month or two in this life-long scheme? It is well-worth investing this time to get to know one another's kids, letting them get to know each other, and finding if you can all live with each other's flaws. A little effort and a lot of patience will help create a much more peaceful and harmonious life when you finally take the big step of marriage or living together.
This article is presented by Auntie Ruth's Animal Care & Wellness Centers
Millions of pets in search of good homes fill shelters across our country. Old and young, abandonment doesn't discriminate. Now is the time to help save some lives, though. All it takes is a gentle hand and a little patience. The sun is shining outside and you can help bring it into the heart of an animal in need. Here's how...
Summer is here and there is no better time than now to bring a new animal friend into your life. So many truly wonderful cats and dogs can be found through our local rescue groups just waiting for you to fall in love with them. These aren't bad animals; they are the ones who have been forgotten and neglected. Often times young puppies end up in shelters as the result of backyard breeding or "oops" litters, which can easily be avoided by spaying and neutering. Time and again we see middle aged and older dogs who have been abandoned or surrendered by their families for various reasons including health, decreased activity levels, or incontinence issues. Homeless kitties fill shelters and foster homes across the state due to a lack of sterilization and a high frequency of abandonment as well. These are good pets who deserve a second (sometimes a third or fourth) chance at life.
When you weigh the pros and cons of adopting a new pet into your family it seems the pros will almost always win. Animals provide lifelong companionship to their human moms and dads. So many times all these animals want is a warm bed to sleep in and a full tummy, once you've provided that they will give you nothing back but their unconditional love - which usually comes in the form of sloppy kisses and a wagging tail.
One of the best reasons to adopt a pet is for your children. Studies have shown that exposure to animals beginning at a young age can be extremely beneficial to children's mental health. Pets teach children about responsibility and empathy, help to reduce stress, and encourage learning. They provide a safe, trusting friend for kids to talk to and share their feelings with. This can be especially helpful to a child with anxiety or social disorders as it creates the opportunity to practice communication skills without the fear of judgment. Another invaluable benefit of having your children spend time with animals is that they are encouraged to practice and learn nurturing skills. Depending on the age of your child you can assign them tasks ranging anywhere from changing the litter box, walking the dog, filling the water dish, or simply handing out treats for good behavior. Children who are given the chance to care for an animal from a young age gain experience that they will carry with them into adulthood.
Companion animals are not only a fantastic resource for children to develop their social and mental skills; they are good for adults too! Just petting an animal can reduce stress and lower blood pressure. They can also help keep people active through walks, playtime, and other daily activities. Many of these activities can be done by one family member, but they also provide an opportunity for the whole family to get involved which can strengthen the family bond by giving everyone the chance to help out. Taking the dog out for a nightly walk around the neighborhood can open the door for conversation with your kids and also encourages healthy habits rather than just sitting in front of the television.
If you're still on the fence and not quite sure if your family is ready to commit to adopting a new pet there is always the option of fostering. Many of our local rescue groups work as shelter-less entities; which mean that they are always in need of good homes to care for their animals until they are able to find a forever home. Fostering allows you to see how well your family does with a dog or cat while also providing a wonderful service to our community. A foster pet may stay in your home anywhere from days to months, depending on your level of commitment and how quickly they are able to find a home. Rescue groups will work with you to find an animal that fits well into your family dynamic. They provide payment for nearly all the care the pet requires, you are just there to give them a safe, loving environment to thrive in. Below you can find information on several local rescues and how to contact them about both fostering and adoption options.
Whether you are leaning towards adoption or fostering, taking an animal into your home is a lifelong commitment and something that should be carefully considered. Once you have decided that it is right for you the next step is to find the type of pet that suits your family best. When you begin your search for the perfect pet you will see how many sweet souls out there need a helping hand. Here is a list of websites and local non-profit groups with pets just waiting to meet you!
Petfinder - Petfinder is a wonderful resource for finding lots of local animals who are looking for homes. Petfinder includes listings from rescue groups all across the country but can be narrowed down to a local search. You can look for animals based on their breed, age, and size.
MN Humane Society - The MN Humane Society describes themselves as "a statewide education, advocacy, and rescue organization dedicated to protecting the lives and interests of Minnesota's animals." They are the oldest humane society in MN; founded in 1869! This wonderful group works tirelessly to get animals healthy and happy so they may find forever homes.
Animal Ark - As Minnesota's largest no kill animal welfare organization, Animal Ark strives to do as much as they can for all animals and understands that shelter pets are "missing the most important thing in their lives...a home and family of their own." To learn about the animals they help to save as well as all the other community work they do go to their website.
Blue Sky Rescue - Blue skies and green pastures are what every animal deserves and that's what Blue Sky Rescue strives to deliver. Started by one woman and with the help of foster homes, vet clinics, and countless volunteers they have been able to place many loving dogs into great homes just like yours. To learn more about Blue Sky check out their website.
Save-A-Bull Rescue - Save-A-Bull Rescue is a volunteer-based non-profit organization dedicated to the rescue, rehabilitation, and re-homing of American Pit Bull Terriers and other Bull breeds. Their mission is to change the poor public image that has been unjustly thrust upon these dogs over the years. To find a special bully breed dog for your home look on their website.
Pet Haven Inc of MN - Pet Haven is a local group that has been around since 1952. They are run by volunteers who work very hard both to find good homes for cats and dogs and also to advocate on behalf of those animals. The group is filled with warm-hearted people who do everything they can to place good animals in good homes.
A Rotta Love Plus - This is another great group that works not only to rescue and re-home animals but also to educate the public on things such as dog safety and responsible ownership. A Rotta Love helps all breeds of dog but focuses their efforts primarily on rottweilers and bully breeds to reinforce the fact that these are good dogs who do not deserve the stigma that has been placed on their breeds.
Other great groups to look for:
Underdog Rescue
Gemini Rottweiler and Pitbull Rescue, Inc.
Retrieve A Golden of Minnesota, Inc.
Carver-Scott Humane Society
Happy Hound Rescue
Minnesota's Unwanted Siberian Husky Rescue
Puppyporch
Minnesota Wisconsin Collie Rescue
Red Lake Rosie's Rescue
Family Rituals and Routines--Good Times Even in Bad Times
by Cathy Paper
Set your family up to create a powerful, close knit, loving family best despite challenging economic times, job loss or the general stress of a busy family life.
Families go faster than ever these days. Whether it's the demands of work, technology, or after-school activities, family members are simultaneously pulled in multiple directions. This can create challenges for even the most stable family, and turn all those desires for a happy, healthy, cohesive, energetic family into a distant dream. Get out of stress mode and avoid the short-fused temper tantrums that come when a family is moving too fast. Get back to the basics of spending time together, talking to each other face to face, and eating meals from the stove.
Here are six ideas to keep the family patterns strong and build a stable foundation for everyone's growth and well being:
1. Family mealtime. Eat together at least three nights a week or one weekend lunch. Set the table and sit together. Give everyone a roll in preparing the meal and spend at least five minutes talking about what you liked or what you learned during the day. Bring show and tell once a week to keep the conversation lively.
2. Get outside together. Ride bikes, hit the park with a ball and a bat, whack tennis balls. Exercising together establishes great habits and is a free way for your family to bond. Some families are even doing yoga together as a way to wind down at the end of the day.
3. Take it head on. Talk about any challenges your family is experiencing. Kids know what is going on. If you have lost a job or are having work challenges, they know. They are very perceptive. Most kids learn great skills at school by having to address tough situations. These tools might even help a stressed out grown-up keep life in perspective.
4. Create a family theme song. Encourage everyone to find a song that represents the family. Take a vote on which one suits your family. This could even work well at family reunions.
5. Think about others. Volunteer. There are organizations where families can work together to help others. This gives your kids a great experience and is a fun way to give back.
6. Stay home. Try a night with no extra-curricular activities. No chores, no TV. See if you can come up with a new activity that allows your family to slow down, connect, and laugh together. How about family game night or a cooking contest? Get creative. It was recently Earth Hour, an idea that the Australians came up with. My kids raced around the house turning off all the lights, the TV, and lighting candles. We sat together and talked. They liked it so much, we're doing it monthly.
Whatever you decide, these are just a few ideas to get you started. Every family needs some routines that get them talking, keep them connected, and create those bonds that last a lifetime. In today's economy, turning to family for comfort, laughter, and a few new activities is a good way to focus on what matters most. A night or two where you're laughing with loved ones will put all those economic or job worries in perspective.
Cathy Paper is the founder of a Performance Coaching firm that takes speakers and authors to the next level with their products. She also specializes in helping organizations energize their workforce. She plays tennis with her three kids and husband when she's not running her dog Stella. Cathy can be reached at cathypaper@mac.com.
Warning, danger. Summer break is right around the corner.
Ok, it's not riiiight around the corner, but it will sneak up and be here before you know it. Are you ready for your kids' summer break? Are you prepared to give them a great break?
Summer break is a special time for kids, and you can do much to ensure that they remember their summer breaks with fondness and laughter.
Summer box
It all starts with the development of a summer box. But warning - after you begin this tradition, your children will look for their box every year.
A summer box is nothing more than a box that you fill with goodies for summer. It might include a calendar of events, treats, outdoor fun toys, new video games or movies and new books. It could include games or toys or anything that your children enjoy doing.
How to build the box
First, find a box you want to use as the summer box. You can re-purpose a box you already have (say, box from a recent purchase like a computer printer), or you can purchase one for this purpose. Think about something sturdy that can be used for as long as summer break lasts. Your children will be in and out of the box often.
If you have more than one child, you can make boxes for each child, or you can provide one box for all the children, with some items that are for specific children.
If you decide to re-purpose a box, have some fun with it. Buy a can of chalkboard paint and paint the entire box with the chalkboard paint and then use sidewalk chalk to decorate it with pictures you draw and perhaps your children's names. You might even hint as to the contents of the box.
What to put in the box?
The best thing about planning the summer box is that it forces you to think about summer. If you want to register your child in that art day camp that always fills up, planning and orchestrating a summer box now helps remind you that now is also the time to sign up for the camp.
As you go about signing your children up for things and booking summer travel, start a summer calendar for each child. Add dates and activities as you plan things, and keep adding to the calendar until the last day of school.
Go shopping.
Now is the time to get the best summer goodies before they are gone. Children of all ages enjoy these kinds of summer toys:
♣ Water balloons
♣ Beach balls
♣ Sidewalk chalk
♣ Flashlights (for those all-important late-night flashlight tag games)
♣ Art supplies
♣ Sand toys
Then, think about the specific interests of your children.
If you have one child that's a video game fanatic, you might include a new video game. Of course, you can still remind that child there will be limitations on playtime, but adding a game to the box is also a subtle way of letting your child know you are interested in their interests.
Have a child that would spend every waking summer moment on his or her bike if possible? How about a new bike horn or helmet?
If your kids love going to the movies in the summer, you can add some movie candy to the box, or even some inexpensive DVDs for those days when it's just too hot (or stormy) to be outside much.
To balance the box, make sure you cover all the bases:
♣ A calendar (so your child can know what's on the agenda as far as vacations, day camps, swimming lessons and parties go)
♣ Some fun and silly toys like the water balloons and beach balls
♣ Something to read (new books or magazines)
♣ Special items your kids might need for camp or vacation
♣ A photo album or special box for your child to save summer keepsakes
♣ Special items that are specific to your child's interests and hobbies
Finally, one great advantage of planning the summer box now is that you can take advantage of coupons and sales to get good deals on all of your summer box items.
Have your box ready by the last day of school and include a special treat for that day's afterschool snack. Your kids will need their nourishment before they head outside to play with all their fun summer box goodies.
Editor's note: how do you plan ahead for summer? Use the comment area below to share your ideas.
Given current economic conditions, many families are choosing to forgo annual vacations in favor of saving in case of emergency. While such frugality is admirable, for some of us a vacation is not a luxury, it is an absolute necessity. We often lose sight that vacations provide essential benefits. Getting away from it all for even a few days can help us release stress and can bring us closer to the rest of the family.
When money is tight a family vacation is usually the first thing to get cut from the list. This doesn't necessarily need to be the case. With some careful planning and searching you and your family can enjoy a great vacation without blowing your rainy-day fund.
The following will help you find some good deals on budget vacations for yourself, you and your spouse or your entire family:
Go Last Minute
If your family has the flexibility to drop what you are doing for a good vacation deal then you can certainly save a lot of money. Airlines and hotels would rather have their seats filled for half price or less than have them go empty. On most travel websites you will find a last minute deals section, and you can even sign up for weekly e-mails so you can stay on top of the deals when they come up.
Stay Local
To encourage commerce and keep their businesses running many hotels and bed and breakfasts offer great deals to local residents. Get to know your town or state by taking advantage of these deals and become a tourist in your own area.
Ask Friends and Family
Odds are that someone you know has or knows someone who has a cabin, timeshare or other vacation property that you can rent for cheap. Usually for a nominal maintenance fee or at least for well below rental rate they will be happy to let it out to you.
House Exchange
There are tons of websites out there that are designed to help families meet others who want to experience the culture and landscape of another country, state or city. Whether you are searching for a flat in London, a walk-up in Australia or a townhouse in a neighboring city you should be able to get a host of options at your fingertips. As long as you are comfortable with someone staying in your home you can save thousands over a hotel room or suite.
Get Outdoorsy
Camping can be an extremely economical and fun for just about any family. With a few sleeping bags and a tent you and your family can have an adventure out in nature and learn something about your local flora and fauna. Combined with hiking, fishing or some other activity you can all have a great time for the fraction of the price of a tropical holiday.
Hopefully these pointers will help you find a way to squeeze in a break or two with your family so you can all enjoy some rest and relaxation.
