by Megan Torrini
The school year is more than half over and the struggles your child has been facing these past few months have not gone away. Now is a great time ... Read more
How to Talk to Your Child About Sex
by Chris Grannis
In the environment of openness and communication that is today's world it is strange that parents often have a knee-jerk reaction to... Read more
Homeschooling--Finding Your Way
by Katriena Knights
As homeschooling has become more and more popular, resources have become readily available. From online sites dedicated to gettin... Read more
Kids love summer vacation, but parents often find it difficult to keep them engaged in productive activities. And most kids experience a summer learning slump during their time away from school. According to the National Summer Learning Association, at best, students show little or no academic growth over the summer, and at worst they lose one to three months of learning.
It's possible to give kids a fun way to keep up with learning by providing engaging books that feature hands-on activities. Three new books from DK Publishing will help kids of all ages fill their summer with science fun.
"One Million Things: Space" (July 2010). Perfect for backyard sleepovers and camping trips, this book serves up imagery and information about all things cosmic: from planets, moons, and comets, to black holes, nebulae, distant solar systems and more. Young readers won't be able to wait until sunset to start exploring. Elementary-aged kids will:
* Learn about spherical and irregular asteroids by playing a computer game.
* Find out about volcanoes in the solar system by comparing them to firecrackers.
* Explore the universe with stunning photographic galleries.
"I'm a Scientist: Backyard" (July 2010). Part of a new series for younger readers, this book introduces kids to the world of science with a wealth of outdoor experiments. With clear, step-by-step instructions, the book is full of bite-sized experiments that help children absorb science easily. Preschoolers and early elementary students will learn how to:
* Make a sun dial and tell time using the position of the sun.
* Find out a tree's age and then measure its height with just a stick and a piece of string.
* Learn about centrifugal force with a simple bucket of water.
"Big Idea Science Book" (July 2010). A comprehensive guide to key topics in science with a unique difference - an online component with 200 specially created digital assets that provide the opportunity for dynamic, hands-on, interactive learning. Older children can learn from video clips and interactive animations that take them:
* Inside plants.
* Around the human body.
* Deep below the surface of the earth.
Help kids flex their mental muscles during the summer with exciting projects and experiments that make learning fun. For more on these and other summer learning books, visit DK.com.
Adolescence: "What the heck?!" (Do your kids say that all the time? Mine do.)
By Julie Burton
As I entered the parenting arena nearly 15 years ago, I began to hear all sorts of talk about colicky babies, the terrible twos, and the f-ing fours (sorry, that's what my friends called it). But I noticed that people started to clam up a bit as their kids hit the earliest stages of puberty. When I'd complain about something my toddler was doing, like wetting the bed or throwing food at the dinner table, people with older kids would respond with a little chuckle, "Oh yeah, just you wait." And that's about all they would say. But they would be grinning... in an almost evil kind of way.
Adolescence sneaks up on us and we are almost blindsided by it. It is a FORCE that takes hold of our angelic kids and throws them into an internal turmoil, and one that lasts for years. Adolescents are sweet and kind, they LOVE you; you are the BEST! And then, with a flip of a switch, they HATE you! They are NEVER going to talk to you again, they wish they had different parents, they tell you that you are doing everything wrong, you have no idea how to parent, you DO NOT UNDERSTAND them and that if only you would listen to them, then things would go smoothly. And for a split second you think that maybe they are right. You question yourself as a parent and as a person, "What have I done?!" You wonder if you are indeed qualified for this job. You know you are supposed to remain strong but you feel very, very weak--almost overpowered--but you can't let them see that. You cannot show any signs of vulnerability or wavering because you know what they do with that! They POUNCE!!! And your son is on you once again, explaining with incredible articulation that if he doesn't get to go to the concert that ALL his friends are going to without an adult chaperone, his life will surely fall apart. He will miss the most important event of his life and will NEVER be invited to another social gathering throughout junior AND senior high. His friends will tease him that his parents are over-protective and they will NEVER want to come over to his house to hang out so he just might as well just quit school because he is not going to have any friends! And P.S., IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
It is a very strange time, adolescence. It is a time filled with internal contradictions: A time of independence and neediness; growth and insecurity; confidence and fear; socialization and loneliness. It seems as though you almost have to be a mental health professional to understand how to guide your kids through this time. But do you? Are there some basic presiding principles for parents that can help us to not only survive our kids' adolescence but to actually do some good during it? I am not a professional. I have four kids from the ages of 14 down to 4, and most of the time, I am learning as I go (don't tell my kids). So, I will share some things that I have learned over the years, and then will hand you over to a real professional who will share her insights and tips on raising adolescents by having a better understanding of them and what they are going through.
1) Don't be afraid to say no. Setting limits and sticking to them is crucial to getting your kids to understand and respect boundaries.
2) Know your kids' friends. Know their cell phone numbers. Look at their Facebook pages (as well as your own kid's, of course!) Attempt to know the parents of your kids' friends. And communicate with them. It takes a village to keep adolescents on the straight and narrow.
3) Communicate with your adolescent's advisor or teacher/s. Find out how she is doing is school (not just academically).
4) Take every opportunity to talk with your child. Ask questions. Listen. Remember. Check in. And keep doing this. And when they don't want to talk, come back later and try again, and again, and again. Do NOT give up on keeping the lines of communications open.
5) Remember to be the parent, not the buddy. They have buddies. They need parents to lead, guide, and advise them (even though they would never admit that). Not that you shouldn't have fun with them--au contraire, have a blast! But first and foremost, be a parent, not a playmate.
6) Stay cool when they "freak out." They need the comfort of seeing you stay calm when they are feeling out of control. A parent and adolescent both "freaking out" simultaneously... NOT a good thing (trust me, I've been there).
7) Show them love as much as possible. Even when they are "hating" you, they still need you to love them. And sometimes love comes in the form of tough love: "You can go to the concert with your friends under one condition; I will be sitting in the row behind you."
So, there's my stab at pretending like I know something about parenting adolescents. Who knows, maybe by the time my 4-year-old gets to be 14, I will look back on this advice and have a good laugh. But with a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy, I am certainly in the throws of trying to figure things out in the adolescent arena (and yes, still dealing with the f-ing 4s as well...and then there's my 7-year-old who will soon start to sneak toward the big A just as the older ones, please g-d, are through it!). Thank goodness for professionals, right?! So, here is Katy McCormick Pearson who has worked with adolescents for the past 20 years as a special education teacher, Outward Bound Instructor, and currently as the middle school counselor at the Breck School in Golden Valley. Katy is also the mother of two emerging female adolescents:
Adolescence can be an exciting, turbulent, time for both parents and the adolescents themselves. An adolescent person experiences changes in physical development at the rate of speed unparalleled since infancy. An adolescent's brain is not fully developed until a person is about 20-25 years old. The connections between neurons affecting the emotional and physical development are incomplete at this stage. Many adolescents have difficulty controlling emotions, impulses and judgment due to this incomplete yet ongoing brain development.
The upside of the adolescent brain is that teens are able to engage in more logical thinking. They can handle more options and possibilities in this stage of development and, therefore, can begin to grapple with abstract concepts such as faith, trust and beliefs. Many teens become activists during this stage in life and appreciate being taken seriously. They can be quick to see discrepancies with adult's words and actions. There is a strong sense of a need for justice at these ages. Adults can help by including adolescents in developing rules and consequences for themselves. It is important to provide structure for adolescents especially since their judgment/impulse control is not quite effective and many have a false sense of being invincible when in the throws of adolescence.
The main task of an adolescent is to establish their identity. They are in a phase of life between childhood and adulthood. They are starting to develop autonomy within relationships, establishing their sexual identity and learning how to further interact with intimacy in all of their relationships. An adolescent's body is often awkward as different parts align together. Many adolescents are self-conscious and a bit "me-centered."
Parents can help by encouraging healthy eating habits, exercise, and allowing time for those growing bodies to have a good night's rest. Don't criticize or compare your adolescent to others. Patience and understanding is key when living and loving an adolescent. Parents will need to be "the bigger person" and not take many interactions with their son/daughter too personally.
Remember that adolescence is a stage. Enjoy the journey together. Adolescence is a rite of passage and you are the guide.
Kids think that playing "supermarket" and dress-up is fun; child development experts know it's much more than that. Pretend play is a learning experience for young children. It lets them explore the world around them and experiment with social and emotional roles. It also boosts problem-solving skills. So pick up a wand or sword, put on a cape and get into your child's fantasy world. Who knows, you might just have fun yourself!
Here are some new additions to old-fashioned make-believe games that you can enjoy together:
Teacher knows best If you plan on playing the role of teacher in this game, take a notebook and write out the entire make-believe school day, class by class, to mimic a typical academic schedule. Jump to full text of this article here.
We all want our kids to be involved in sports activities, as we know that doing so will keep them healthy, happy, and out of trouble. The problem is that all this involvement costs money. Depending on the sport it can run you a few hundred dollars or more every year for the equipment for just one sport, let alone the two or three different activities that most kids want to get into. Even sports that are done through school usually require that you pay for the equipment.
The trick is finding a way to balance your child's sports and your budget. Luckily, there are many ways that you can save money buying sports equipment. If you really want new equipment then the best thing to do is to pick up next year's pads, helmets and footwear at the end of the season when they are on sale. Otherwise, there are many options for picking up second-hand gear:
EBay
When it's time to pick up new gear you can find a large variety of new and used sports equipment online. The downside is that due to the size of most sports equipment you may find the shipping costs negate any savings you get. However, if you can find sellers in your area you may be able to arrange to pick up the items instead of paying for shipping.
Classifieds
Many parents can get great deals on sports equipment by combing through local and online classified ads. Since sports seasons tend to be quite short, most equipment is in near new condition and can be picked up for half-price or less. You can even lessen the sting of buying equipment by putting your own items up for sale.
Sports Swaps
Many communities have embraced the concept of sports swaps, where you drop off your sports equipment for sale and pick up whatever you need, at great prices. If you don't live in a larger city that has sports swaps, see if there are any within a few hour drive. The savings will make it worth it.
Friends and Family
Odds are that somewhere within your circle of friends and family members there is a boy or girl who is a bit older than you kids and plays the same sports. See if they are willing to pass on their used sports equipment, for free or cheap.
Consignment Stores
There are many places that will take your used sports equipment and resell it on consignment, or even buy it outright. Likewise these shops are a great place to find bargains on any kind of sports equipment - from soccer to hockey and even a great set of golf clubs.
From sports equipment, bikes and even musical instruments there are many ways that you can get what you need without breaking the bank. With a little luck and some searching your kids can get into the sports and activities that they like, and you can relax knowing that they are staying active.
Adolescence: "What the heck?!" (Do your kids say that all the time? Mine do.)
By Julie Burton
As I entered the parenting arena nearly 15 years ago, I began to hear all sorts of talk about colicky babies, the terrible twos, and the f-ing fours (sorry, that's what my friends called it). But I noticed that people started to clam up a bit as their kids hit the earliest stages of puberty. When I'd complain about something my toddler was doing, like wetting the bed or throwing food at the dinner table, people with older kids would respond with a little chuckle, "Oh yeah, just you wait." And that's about all they would say. But they would be grinning... in an almost evil kind of way.
Adolescence sneaks up on us and we are almost blindsided by it. It is a FORCE that takes hold of our angelic kids and throws them into an internal turmoil, and one that lasts for years. Adolescents are sweet and kind, they LOVE you; you are the BEST! And then, with a flip of a switch, they HATE you! They are NEVER going to talk to you again, they wish they had different parents, they tell you that you are doing everything wrong, you have no idea how to parent, you DO NOT UNDERSTAND them and that if only you would listen to them, then things would go smoothly. And for a split second you think that maybe they are right. You question yourself as a parent and as a person, "What have I done?!" You wonder if you are indeed qualified for this job. You know you are supposed to remain strong but you feel very, very weak--almost overpowered--but you can't let them see that. You cannot show any signs of vulnerability or wavering because you know what they do with that! They POUNCE!!! And your son is on you once again, explaining with incredible articulation that if he doesn't get to go to the concert that ALL his friends are going to without an adult chaperone, his life will surely fall apart. He will miss the most important event of his life and will NEVER be invited to another social gathering throughout junior AND senior high. His friends will tease him that his parents are over-protective and they will NEVER want to come over to his house to hang out so he just might as well just quit school because he is not going to have any friends! And P.S., IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!
It is a very strange time, adolescence. It is a time filled with internal contradictions: A time of independence and neediness; growth and insecurity; confidence and fear; socialization and loneliness. It seems as though you almost have to be a mental health professional to understand how to guide your kids through this time. But do you? Are there some basic presiding principles for parents that can help us to not only survive our kids' adolescence but to actually do some good during it? I am not a professional. I have four kids from the ages of 14 down to 4, and most of the time, I am learning as I go (don't tell my kids). So, I will share some things that I have learned over the years, and then will hand you over to a real professional who will share her insights and tips on raising adolescents by having a better understanding of them and what they are going through.
1) Don't be afraid to say no. Setting limits and sticking to them is crucial to getting your kids to understand and respect boundaries.
2) Know your kids' friends. Know their cell phone numbers. Look at their Facebook pages (as well as your own kid's, of course!) Attempt to know the parents of your kids' friends. And communicate with them. It takes a village to keep adolescents on the straight and narrow.
3) Communicate with your adolescent's advisor or teacher/s. Find out how she is doing is school (not just academically).
4) Take every opportunity to talk with your child. Ask questions. Listen. Remember. Check in. And keep doing this. And when they don't want to talk, come back later and try again, and again, and again. Do NOT give up on keeping the lines of communications open.
5) Remember to be the parent, not the buddy. They have buddies. They need parents to lead, guide, and advise them (even though they would never admit that). Not that you shouldn't have fun with them--au contraire, have a blast! But first and foremost, be a parent, not a playmate.
6) Stay cool when they "freak out." They need the comfort of seeing you stay calm when they are feeling out of control. A parent and adolescent both "freaking out" simultaneously... NOT a good thing (trust me, I've been there).
7) Show them love as much as possible. Even when they are "hating" you, they still need you to love them. And sometimes love comes in the form of tough love: "You can go to the concert with your friends under one condition; I will be sitting in the row behind you."
So, there's my stab at pretending like I know something about parenting adolescents. Who knows, maybe by the time my 4-year-old gets to be 14, I will look back on this advice and have a good laugh. But with a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy, I am certainly in the throws of trying to figure things out in the adolescent arena (and yes, still dealing with the f-ing 4s as well...and then there's my 7-year-old who will soon start to sneak toward the big A just as the older ones, please g-d, are through it!). Thank goodness for professionals, right?! So, here is Katy McCormick Pearson who has worked with adolescents for the past 20 years as a special education teacher, Outward Bound Instructor, and currently as the middle school counselor at the Breck School in Golden Valley. Katy is also the mother of two emerging female adolescents:
Adolescence can be an exciting, turbulent, time for both parents and the adolescents themselves. An adolescent person experiences changes in physical development at the rate of speed unparalleled since infancy. An adolescent's brain is not fully developed until a person is about 20-25 years old. The connections between neurons affecting the emotional and physical development are incomplete at this stage. Many adolescents have difficulty controlling emotions, impulses and judgment due to this incomplete yet ongoing brain development.
The upside of the adolescent brain is that teens are able to engage in more logical thinking. They can handle more options and possibilities in this stage of development and, therefore, can begin to grapple with abstract concepts such as faith, trust and beliefs. Many teens become activists during this stage in life and appreciate being taken seriously. They can be quick to see discrepancies with adult's words and actions. There is a strong sense of a need for justice at these ages. Adults can help by including adolescents in developing rules and consequences for themselves. It is important to provide structure for adolescents especially since their judgment/impulse control is not quite effective and many have a false sense of being invincible when in the throws of adolescence.
The main task of an adolescent is to establish their identity. They are in a phase of life between childhood and adulthood. They are starting to develop autonomy within relationships, establishing their sexual identity and learning how to further interact with intimacy in all of their relationships. An adolescent's body is often awkward as different parts align together. Many adolescents are self-conscious and a bit "me-centered."
Parents can help by encouraging healthy eating habits, exercise, and allowing time for those growing bodies to have a good night's rest. Don't criticize or compare your adolescent to others. Patience and understanding is key when living and loving an adolescent. Parents will need to be "the bigger person" and not take many interactions with their son/daughter too personally.
Remember that adolescence is a stage. Enjoy the journey together. Adolescence is a rite of passage and you are the guide.
School's out for summer ... so why aren't your kids jumping for joy? Many children, especially young ones, have difficulty switching from the structure of school to the freedom of summer, according to Patti Zomber, Ph.D., a child psychologist in Los Angeles. Here are some strategies to make the transition as smooth as possible:
Say goodbye to school "Younger kids make deep attachments to their teachers," says Zomber. So encourage them to make a gift, take a photo or write a letter to say goodbye to their teachers.
The day your child comes to you and asks if he can ask a girl out is the day when you realize he's not a baby anymore.
But is he old enough to date? When should he date? What happens if your girl accepts a date without asking you? What is dating these days anyway?
Don't panic, mom. There are answers to your dating questions. First, much has changed since we were in the dating world. As we hear so often, kids these days grow up much faster than we did. But that doesn't mean that we have to allow exposure to things we can control. We might not be able to control what kids hear on the playground at lunch, but we can control some of the experiences they have. That means, yes, you can control this aspect of your child's life, too.
It's important to realize that there are many factors that play into whether a child is ready to date. Sometimes the decision is made for him or her, as you might have religious or other beliefs that dictate the appropriateness of when a child should start dating. But assuming that you have no specific beliefs one way or another that will influence your decisions, how can you know when the time is right?
First, it's important to remember that many children these days refer to a date when in fact they aren't talking about a one-on-one date. Often, children 'date' in groups and that might bring you more comfort than picturing your child on a solo date with another child.
Second, there are no hard and fast rules, only guidelines. Ask yourself these questions:
♣ Is your child responsible?
♣ Does your child think for him or herself? Able to make decisions not based on what other children are doing, but on what's right for him or her?
♣ Does your child understand the concept of sex and understand that it's OK to say "no"?
♣ Is your child amenable to having a chaperone? This is one way to let your child date earlier than you might otherwise feel comfortable. You simply accompany him or her on the date, but do so in an inconspicuous way. For instance, take them to the multi-plex but sit apart from them or see a different movie altogether. But then you're there to collect and drive them home. You might also allow your child only to have "dates" at home-- watch movies, enjoy a snack, and listen to music. You can easily keep an eye out that way.
The general rule about dating for most parents seems to be that kids can date around age 14. Many kids will feel as if they have had dates before that if they, say, head to the movies in a group of other kids and one boy or girl they particularly like, but dates alone often begin at 14 to 15. Some parents believe that their kids shouldn't date until they are old enough to drive.
The decision on when your child should date doesn't come quickly or easily for most parents. It is usually arrived at after a good deal of examination over the child's emotional and physical maturity and your own standards of appropriateness. It's also not a one-size-fits all proposition. If you have several children, you might decide as they come of age that they are ready to date at different ages.
